Tales From the LSC - volume 1 issue 1
  by Torcath

Now once you've read through these attempts of literature would you please realise that
they are only intended as a bit of fun so just chill there pal! Oh those of you who aren't
from England may find some parts of these poems confusing, to help out a glossary follows
at the end. 

No Internet
  By Kevin Russell

I sit here on my own
Thinking of chewing on a bone
Thinking of crap like the Millenium Dome
A quick glance up and sight has shown
That woman opposite looks like a gnome
As I sit here on my own
I do impressions of Jim Bowen
The Internet is back so now I going
I wonder if I 'll ever get the hang of rowing

I'm Bored
  By Kevin Russell

I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm really really bored
Bored I am, Oh yes I am bored 
Oh lordy lord bored am I 
I'm so bored I'd eat my left eye
Surreal was that in a matter of fact
My intestinal tract wouldn't cope with that
I wonder why I sit here writing
I know let's go fighting
Oh no I can't for haven't you heard
I have a boil that looks like Thora Hird


Football Academy
  By Kevin Russell

The Football Academy, their rather loud
They tend to sit and make a sound
If only someone would give me a pound
I take them all to the nearest hound
I'd let that hound tear them limb from limb
That dog would be rabid, there's Dusty Bin
For the Football Academy I'd commit the sin 
Of murder in the first and dump them in a bin
My good friend Philip would readily agree
We'd use them as compost to grow a tree
The Football Academy, Total Gits
That girl over has nice...

Glossary

Millenium Dome; a rather large, ugly waste of money located somewhere in London. 

Jim Bowen; aging comedian who once hosted a Darts-based gameshow called Bullseye. Renowned
           for his catchphrase; super smashing great.

Thora Hird; aging actress, who stars in a classic British comedy Last Of The Summer Wine.

Football Academy; (soccer to you americans out there) a rather large ugly waste of money
                  located at my college.

Dusty Bin; basically a guy in a dust bin outfit, was once a household name, now a nostalgic
           memory.